Today I was able to go to church for the morning service which is unusual because I'm always at work on Sunday mornings. It was great! In fact I believe I've changed my mind about wanting to leave our church. I guess I should backtrack a little bit. For a while now, I've been struggling with being unhappy with the way things have been going at church, and I can't really say that much has changed with the church but I can say that I've regained the hope that some changes will be made.
I also think that my missing almost every Sunday morning has been a hard blow to the way in which I've been looking at things. When I first started working on Sundays I did it with a sense of loss in my heart. But then, like so many things, it got easier and easier. Soon I started feeling like a stranger. I still go on Sunday and Wednesday night but that morning worship is just so much more. Anyhow, I've been crying and whining about how I haven't been fed and it's true I haven't, but I also haven't been going to the table hungry either. What I mean is, I haven't exactly been making the time I do get at church a time of learning and growth. My attitude has been pretty crappy, I guess because I've been too worried about what I'll get or not get instead of what I'll give.
It's funny; yesterday I read about Saul's conversion and how Ananias laid hands on him which filled him with the Holy Spirit and returned his sight, and today it feels as if the scales have fallen from my eyes.
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