The life and struggles of a growing Christian- Day Thirty Three

Today has been a much better day than yesterday! I was able to go to the Tuesday morning bible study that I love going to. Then I got to take my little boy to his weekly speech class where he is showing a lot of improvement. Praise Jesus! Then, I got to work in the yard to get our garden closer to being ready for planting! Finally, I got to study Gods word some more on a Tuesday night conference call bible study. Yes, today has been a great day! I've been trying to figure out what to write about all day, and it's been there right in front of me the entire day! God's faithfulness! I know, I've written about His faithfulness before, but I just get blown away every time I think about it. He is always there! When I am in need, or lonely, or hurt, or happy, or sad. If I'm faithful to Him or not, He's there, always Faithful. In a world that's always changing, His love is unconditional and constant. I am so grateful to You, Lord. You, and You alone are worthy of all praise, honor, and glory, and I gladly give it to You. You have taken me and changed me. You have shown me and filled me with Your unfailing love and I am very grateful. Thank You Lord! In Jesus name, AMEN!

The life and struggles of a growing Christian- Day Thirty Two

I haven't had my best day today. Work was a little rough and I burned the first dinner I made. The second dinner was too salty so we settled for fast food. I've been a little grumpy and I just don't like it. I still have the joy of the Lord, and always will, it's just a little deeper than usual. I guess I'm writing this because a lot of non-Christians seem to love it when Christians get a little down. They look for it and seem to get some kind of deep satisfaction from it. It's only natural to get a little down sometimes, the trick is to not let it ruin your witness. (which I probably did) I can't be that person that's upbeat and cheery twenty four/ seven, you know the one, that person that acts like an over hyper miniature poodle or something! I do, however, find great joy in knowing that God loves me no matter what my mood or frame of mind. I also find great joy in knowing that He has forgiven me! I am free from sins bondage whether I'm happy, sad, mad or any other rang of emotions.
John 8:34 Jesus answered them, "Most assuredly, I say to you, whoever commits sin is a slave to sin". 35 "And a slave does not abide in the house forever, but the son abides forever." 36 "Therefore, if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed."
Just thinking about that is putting me in a much better frame of mind. Thank You Jesus!

The life and trials of a growing Christian- Day Thirty One

I've been thinking a lot today about the church. Not just the church that I worship at, but the church in general. We are so split up by denomination and race that there isn't any unity. I really don't have much to say about the denominational divides. It's hard to criticize doctrine, I can say my doctrine is right and all others are wrong but that would just alienate everybody who doesn't share my beliefs. So, what do we do? I guess we can look at what we have in common, and agree to disagree but all that does is keep the differences going strong. I'm truly at a loss on this.
As for the racial divide... That might be a little easier. People are always splitting up the church into the "black" church and the "white" church, but don't we serve the same God? Don't we live in a country where racial tension is supposed to be fading away? Or am I just fooling myself? We don't have one black member at our church. Most churches across America are the same way, either all black or all white. Why? Worship is an intimate thing, and if we can do that together we can do anything together. Right? So, what needs to be done to blend our churches together?
I fear that if something isn't done, we will just be allowing Satan to drive his wedge further into the church. Paul said that we are all part of the same body in which Christ is the head. A healthy body doesn't hurt it's self.

The life and trials of a growing Christian- Day Thirty

I talk to a lot of very smart people. People who are much more intelligent than me, and with that vast intelligence they come up with every excuse to deny their creator. Why? Why is it so hard for some people to accept Him? They daily invent new ways to explain Him away. "The earth was created by a big bang", "Aliens", "All life evolved from pond scum", etc. These "theories" are just that, and nothing more. The first ten words of the bible are Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.
Man wants to come up with every excuse for God not to exist so we can do what ever we want with no consequence. But, there is a consequence..... If we live this life of denial we will surely spend eternity in hell. Hell, Mark 9:44 where Their worm does not die, and the fire is not quenched.
Hell, Mathew 13:41 "The Son of Man will send out His angels, and they will gather out of His kingdom all things that offend, and those who practice lawlessness 42 and will cast them into the furnace of fire. There will be wailing and gnashing of teeth."
Hell and Satan are real! Anyone who denies Jesus is worshiping Satan, and are therefore bound straight for an eternity of unspeakable torture. So, I ask you. I plea to you to please use that wonderful intelligence that God gave you and just believe!  

The life and trials of a growing Christian- Day Twenty Nine

What the heck is wrong with people? They constantly talk about how sad, depressed, and lonely they are. They do terrible things to themselves and call it liberating but they are still just sad, depressed, and lonely. Many people don't know it, but before I found Jesus and the Joy that knowing Him brings I was one of those people. I might not have gone to some of the drastic measures that some go to, but I was certainly on my way. I used to get pretty depressed some times, and then I would cut myself or burn myself with cigarets or heated metal objects. I swore that the pain from that made me feel better, or was soothing to my hurting heart, but that just wasn't so. The wounds would heal and the internal pain would just come right back, and it was time to do it again. I didn't know that it was because I needed the love of Jesus. You see; you can try things your own way, over and over again and still get the same result. But when you try Jesus, that's when things begin to change. That's when that hurt starts to turn to joy. That's when that deep seeded anger softens up and turns into love. I'm not saying that I don't ever get a little sad or down, but it's not like it was. When I say that love developed, I don't mean that my life has turned into a corny old Disney movie or something, but I have a love for myself now, which means that I have more of a love for others. No matter how much anyone else ever loved me, I couldn't love myself until I realized that Jesus loves me. If you are reading this and you feel like you are unlovable or you feel empty or angry and your tired of flailing around like a fish out of water I urge you to try Jesus! How? You might ask. Get your hands on a bible and start reading the book of John, after you've read it, do it again, SLOWER. By this time, you will have probably been moved to tears a few times. THAT'S GOOD! Get to a bible believing church, talk to someone you feel comfortable talking to, confess your need for Jesus and His grace, and get baptized! It's that easy. I know, it sounds almost too good to be true, but I promise you it's not!

The life and trials of a growing Christian- Day Twenty Eight

Well, I did it. I finally turned in my resignation letter to the board of my church. I am officially no longer a deacon. I know, I posted a blog one day last week about not quitting and I'm doing exactly the opposite. I did this a couple months ago unofficially but now it's official. I feel like a burden has been lifted from me, but at the same time, I feel like I've failed my Lord. I had been a deacon for almost three years but I never felt as though I should have been. About a week before my ordination I tried to tell someone that I didn't think that I was ready to take on the responsibility of being a deacon but I allowed myself to be talked into it. I kinda wanted to, but I knew that I shouldn't. Well, wanted to won. I started out well but quickly began to fail at my duties. Then came the horrible facebook argument (flat out fight is more like it) which only further proved that I had no business being a church leader. I acted like a heathen instead of a leader of the church, and for that, I feel terrible.
I always felt kinda funny at the board meetings. Talking about the business side of the church always made me feel a little yucky. It has to be done, but I can hardly take care of my own business, so how am I supposed to take care of the church's? I hated being the head of a committee and dreaded any committee meetings (that's why I didn't really have any). Most of the people at my church are plenty older than me and have been there for a long time, and I felt very insecure about asking my elders to do anything. It just didn't feel proper.
The responsibility of being a deacon is huge and should be looked upon that way. I just wasn't up to it. I have so much to learn about applying the word of God. It's easy to read the bible, and it's easy to quote scripture and sound like your "well rounded" in the word of God, but it's a totally different thing to truly live, or try to live according to God's word. If I couldn't set that example, I had no right to be a leader.

The life and trials of a growing Christian- Day Twenty Seven

In church tonight we were talking about being salt and light to the world. Then we kind of went off on a tangent about Christians being silenced. It's true that every where in the world Christians are being discriminated against. In Africa, India and the middle and far east especially. Usually it's at the hands of a communist or Muslim government. Things are truly terrible for our brothers and sisters in Christ who live abroad. They are regularly imprisoned, beaten, raped, maimed, and killed for their faith in Jesus. The name Jesus puts fear in the hearts of all who don't know Him and that fear causes these terrible things to be done.
I don't know if it's noticed by my fellow countrymen but that fear and hate is creeping into the United States. Our courts are being run by activist judges who seem to neutralize Christians every chance they get. Political correctness is running a muck. It's OK for anyone of any other faith to do just about what ever they want in the name of their faith, but if I want to preach that abortion and homosexuality are sin and should be treated that way, people accuse me of hate-speech. If I don't want my children taught to worship the Darwin evolution god but to know that life was created by the one true God I'm called a flat earth fool. I know that these are just little things compared to what goes on in other countries but, if we keep going in the direction we are heading in, we'll be those other countries in just a few short generations.
We need to wake up, stand up, and not let anyone shut us up. Our nation was founded by men who believed that we should be free to practice our faith and not be dictated to by the government. If we let them tell us what we can and can't preach about, we're just handing over our rights. I ask anyone who reads this to pray, first, for our brothers and sisters in Christ who are suffering and being oppressed for their faith and second, that our nation won't continue to ease down that same road.

The life and trials of a growing Christian-Day Twenty Six

Is it easier to tell someone about Jesus or show someone about Jesus? Obviously, it's easier to tell someone about Jesus. That's the problem with so many Christians (my self at the top of the list). We are quick to point a finger, quick to condemn, and quick to cut people loose. The entire time we're claiming to love and be a servant of Christ. That's why so many nonbelievers laugh and scoff at us. We aren't being anything like what we're teaching. We go to big, beautiful churches while wearing expensive cloths and we look really good and regal, but inside we are just proud, stubborn people who would rather look important and be useless to Jesus than stoop down and humble ourselves before Him and everyone else. Why do we need such huge, outlandish churches? Why do we need such impressive clothing? Why do we need to be seen doing good by other Christians and then while alone or with non-Christians live like the Devil? Jesus called the Scribes and Pharisees "whitewashed tombs" and I fear that He would call many of us the same! So, what do we do about it? Humble ourselves and repent. Be a sermon don't preach one. The entire time of His ministry Jesus served people, He didn't put Himself  first but last. If our goal is to be more like Jesus, I think we're failing miserably.

The life and trials of a growing Christian-Day Twenty Five

Blah blah blah. That's about all I feel like saying tonight. I'm not in a bad mood or anything but I just don't have much to say. Tonight this feels like a chore, but it's one that's worth while. Why does this feel like this tonight? If I were a betting man I would be willing to bet that God never says taking care of me and providing for me is a chore. So how can I have the audacity to say that doing anything for Him is a chore when it's actually a privilege? He allowed me to wake up this morning. He allowed me to have two meals and snacks. He allowed me to go to work and come home safely. He gave me the honor of saying prayers with my little boy before putting him to bed, and He has given me the privilege of sitting on the couch in a warm, dry house with the love of my life. I am a very blessed man. So I guess this wasn't a chore, in fact, it turned out to be great. God is awesome and is deserving of ALL PRAISE, HONOR, GLORY, and LOVE. Thank You Father for loving me!

The life and trials of a growing Christian-Day Twenty Four

Today I talked to someone who is a little unhappy with their church. They told me that they know of all kind of sin that some of the members are taking part in, and that they are sickened by it. They said that there are members who are living together instead of being married. That there are all kinds of gossip and backbiting going on. They said that their church is like a social club instead of a house of worship, and nobody is doing anything about it.
I don't know how to respond to that person. It seems like the church in general is getting like that. On one hand, I feel, in fact, I know that something drastic and extreme needs to be done, but on the other, I know that we are all sinners and will be until we meet the Lord. The question is... What is tolerable and what isn't? No sin is tolerable to God, and that is why He sent Jesus to atone for our sin. He forgave many before His death and resurrection (and all who will receive Him afterword) but He told them to "Go and sin no more". So, if there are people who are wallowing in the same old sin day in and day out after making a confession of Christ without so much as an attempt to stop and repent of that sin, what are we to say of them? Are they Christians, or are they people masquerading as Christians? Are we wrong for pointing out that sin? Are we hypocrites for doing so? If we don't lovingly tell people where their behavior is in defiance of God's ways aren't we doing them and God a disservice? But, at the same time, if we nit pick and worry too much about what sin others are committing we run the risk of committing sin and hypocrisy ourselves.
We are called to be holy because God is holy but I certainly don't want to be holier than thou. How do I talk to this person about their problem if I am so confused? I feel as if I'm caught between a rock and a hard place. I guess I can tell them it's a matter of prayer. Prayer for the wisdom to discern whether or not to speak up and bring that sinful behavior to light.

The life and trials of a growing Christian-Day Twenty Three

I've just about finished reading the third of the five books of the Pentateuch, which is the first five books of the bible, or the law, or Moses. I have had a very hard time reading this book (Leviticus) so it has taken me a very long time (too long). I'm not feeling led to talk about Leviticus but I am feeling led to talk a little bit about rebellion and bickering, which leads me to Exodus. We all know about Exodus; Moses was told by God to bring the Israelites out of Egypt. He made up a few excuses which God refuted and counteracted and then he went. When he got there he asked Pharaoh to let the Israelites go. Ten times he asked, and nine times Pharaoh said no, and even on the tenth time, after Egypt was brought just about to total destruction (from the miraculous plagues that God brought upon them) and every first born of Egypt was killed by the angel of death, Pharaoh changed his mind and led the Egyptian army to it's final destruction in the red sea where God parted the waters and allowed the Israelites to cross to safety, on dry land, while drowning the Egyptian army. So, the Israelites were now freed slaves and they had God with them (in the pillar of smoke during the day and the pillar of fire at night). The Israelites saw God do many miracles both in Egypt and in the desert, they never went hungry, and their cloths and shoes never wore out. So, what did they do to show God how much they trusted, loved and appreciated Him? They bickered, fought, argued, and worst of all doubted the Lord their God. Time after time they asked "Why did God bring us out here in the wilderness to die?"
I have read this many times and many times I have asked myself "Were they dense or something?" They had God all mighty with them, we do to but they could physically see His presence and they doubted His ability to care for them. DUH! But then I think a little deeper and say the same thing about myself. DUH! I have the saving grace of Jesus! I can pray directly to God without any priest in the way. I don't have to sacrifice any animals to God. I am free to do all things through Jesus! Yet, I doubt sometimes. I bicker and argue with my fellow Christians sometimes. I pray and beg and plea for God's help and intervention and don't receive it sometimes because sometimes I don't think He's going to give it. If I have doubt, I'm already defeated.
I know that I'm not the only person on the face of the earth that is struggling with this, in fact, to be honest, I think that just about everybody is, but I am the only person that I can speak for. Please God remove any trace of doubt from me, in Jesus name, AMEN.

The life and trials of a growing Christian-Day Twenty Two

Have you ever made someone you deeply love or care about angry, or badly hurt them? If you're old enough to read this, the chances are pretty high that you have. Do you remember how it felt to see that person? Knowing that you were responsible for hurting them, that the pain or anger in their eyes was caused by you? Do you remember how liberated you felt when that person forgave you? Not just in word, but by every fiber of being that that person has and is? That is the closest description that I can give concerning the way it feels to accept Jesus. I was a foul, sorry excuse for a human being who did everything possible to deny and go against Him. But then I learned about His love and BELIEVED that He had the power to forgive me, and He did! He forgot everything that I had done and said and even thought. Acts 3:19 "Repent therefore and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, so that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord"
If you think that you have been too bad to be forgiven, you're wrong! The worse the sinner, the more sweet the forgiveness. If you think that you aren't guilty of any sin you're wrong there too. Romans 3:23 For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.
So, I ask you... Why are you walking around knowing that you are out of relationship with God?

The life and trials of a growing Christian-Day Twenty One

I have had a pretty uneventful day today, my wife and son and I just hung out around the house all day and enjoyed being together with each other as a family. It's not to often that we get to be together like that. While one of us works, the other is home watching our three year old son, we just kind of trade off shifts. But today, we were both off and it was great. Other than that, I really don't know what to write but I have to write something. I have to do one of these blogs every day for three hundred sixty five days. Why? You might ask. My answer... I have done very few things in life completely. Since I was a child, I have been a quitter. I start things with a lot of gumption and gung ho and then when, things get tough, or they hurt, or something else comes along, I quit. I AM SO TIRED OF QUITTING! This little blog doesn't really mean anything to everybody else but it means a lot to me. God put it on my heart to do it and I don't want to let Him or myself down. He has never let me down yet I have failed Him more times than I can count. His faithfulness is steadfast and true. If writing this gives Him glory, than I have to do it. If writing this helps me to grow into what He has created me to be, then I have to do it.
Thank You Lord that You are faithful and true. Thank You that You loved me before I was and have loved me through all of my disobedience and failure. Thank You for the ultimate gift of Jesus, the savior of the world and the grace which He brings. Please help me to be the man that You want me to be, please help me to grow in faith, wisdom, and spirit. In Jesus name, AMEN!

The life and trials of a growing Christian-Day Twenty

I have heard a lot of Christians, both young and old say "I'm not afraid of death or dieing, because I know where I'm going." I've heard sermons that ask "Do you know, without a doubt, that you are going to be with the Lord when you die?" The truth is, I am scared of dieing. I think we all are, no matter how close to or far from God we claim be. Even those who appear to have the strongest faith, are weak at times whether they are willing to admit it, or not. Sickness or severe injury are traumatic things and I guess it's natural to waver or question your faith a little. I am sure, right now, that I'm going to be with the Lord when my time comes, but every now and then, I wonder. The bible promises that all who put their faith in Jesus and are baptized will spend eternity in heaven with the Lord. I guess I'll just have to pray for more faith.

The life and trials of a growing Christian-Day Ninteen

This morning I went to my weekly Tuesday morning bible study in which we are studying the book of John. We finished up chapter six and and went all through chapter seven. The man leading the study brought up some pretty scarey statistics about the organized church denomination in which he is a member of. He said that out of all the church leaders who took the survey (elders, deacons, etc.) only twenty five percent believed that Jesus is the only way to eternal life in heaven. The same question was asked of the preachers, and only twenty two percent of them believed that Jesus is the only way to eternal life in heaven. Lastly, the same question was asked at seminaries to teachers and professors and only twelve percent of them believed that Jesus is the only way to eternal life in heaven. This is a very established and relatively old denomination in the protestant faith. I'm not going to say which denomination it is but they have also become very politically correct. The sad thing is that if this church decides to leave the organized denomination, which I think they are trying to do, they could lose the building and grounds in which they have been meeting for a long time.
The first thing's first, Jesus said in John 14:6 "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me."
He didn't say You really should believe in Me, but if you don't, that's OK, come on to heaven any how. Come one come all. He said "no one comes to the Father except through Me." This is very simple and plain black and white, there is no grey area. If anybody says there is any other way to heaven they are a fool and a liar, and the truth is not in them! It's frightful to think that the gospel can be preached but not believed by those preaching and teaching it.

The life and struggles of a growing Christian-Day Eighteen

What is my calling? What is it that God wants me to do for Him? I know that Jesus says in Mark 12:30 "And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. This is the first commandment. 31 And the second, like it, is this: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these.", and in Mark16:15 And He said to them, "Go into the world and preach the gospel to every creature. 16 He who believes and is baptized will be saved; but he who does not believe will be condemned."   I believe this is the duty of man. Now the question is.... Am I living up to my duty? If I love my neighbor (which, by the way, is everybody. All humanity.) am I supposed to be accepting of everybody? Jesus hung out with criminals, hookers, tax collectors, the homeless, and the sick (even those with leprosy, a highly contagious disease.) He spent time with the religious zealots who hated Him. I've heard a lot of people (in fact every Christian I've talked to) say "Love the sinner, hate the sin", and I have said it myself, the whole while judging people in my mind. Have I preached the gospel to every creature I have come into contact with? No. Have I put "things" before God? Yes. So I guess I haven't lived up to my duty to well at all have I?
I do, however, feel a yearning deep in my soul to serve. I feel the Holy Spirit pushing me, but I don't know where He is pushing to. I feel like I have been pushed to the edge of a cliff and I'm only standing on it with the heels of my feet. There are only three options (1) Fall back on to the solid ground, get up and run the opposite direction. (2) Stand there flailing my arms and holding on for whatever reason. (3) Leap off into the arms of God and give Him the last few pieces of myself that I can't seem to let go of. Right now, I feel like I'm doing option two. I'm so close to taking that last final leap but something in me just seems to hold me on that cliff, flailing around, trying to keep my balance. I certainly don't want to fall back and I don't want to be content to just stand here stagnating. I want to grow, I want to take that leap.
God, please take my fear and turn it into courage and strength. Please grow my mustard seed into a tree, in Jesus name, AMEN.

The life and trials of a growing Christian-Day Seventeen

I don't have anything to write about tonight. I prayed beforehand like always, but still.... Nothing. So, I will just pray a little.
Lord, I humbly come to you a sinful, broken, man. You have given me salvation, my family, church, home, job, health, clothing, and food. You have answered so many prayers in my favor, and for that, I am very grateful. You know my needs and my wants. You know every thing about my past, my present, and my future. When You spoke the world into existence You already knew of me. Lord, I don't know if this blog is part of what You have in mind for me but I hope it is. I just want to glorify You! I want to show people what You have delivered me from, and what You are delivering me to, even if I don't know what Your will for me is yet. I want people to know what You can do if they would just have a little faith and obedience. You are the all mighty who can use anybody for anything. Here I am Lord, use me. Free my mouth, that I might never stop giving You praises. Free my mind, that I may resist sin and temptation. Open my eyes, that I may see Your will for me. Open my ears, that I may hear Your voice. I pray this all in the precious and awesome name of Jesus, AMEN!

The life and trials of a growing Christian-Day Sixteen

I've said in a past blog that I do a lot of thinking while working and today was no different. I also watch people, no not like some freaky stalker, just someone who wonders what they think. There are a lot of sad, empty folks milling around out there. People who feel like they have a hole in them that they just can't fill no matter how hard they try. Some try it with alcohol, or drugs like I did. Others try with sex, or they have to be the center of attention, some have to be the prettiest or best looking person in the room at any cost. It doesn't matter what they do or how altered they get they still have that great big hole. A loneliness that couldn't be cured even if everybody in the world swooned and fell at their feet. (Just look a Hollywood.) That hole can be filled to running over; but it won't come from a drug or a person. It can't be bought for any price, no act can do it and no doctor can prescribe it. The only way to fill that hole is Jesus. If your not a Christian and reading this your probably saying 'yea right, sure, I've heard that before now tell me about the unicorns to', but if you are a Christian you know. Your saying AMEN right now because you have been delivered from that emptiness. You have been given that new life and you know that it wasn't by anything that you did. Jesus said in Revelation 3:20 "Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come to him and dine with him, and he with Me."
All anyone has to do is believe and "open the door"! The door to your heart! He also said in Mathew 11:29 "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest in your souls. 30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is lite."
I can't stress enough how great it is to wear the yoke of Jesus! When He said "you will find rest in your souls", BELIEVE IT! My life is a testimony to Him! I was one of those people, I couldn't fill the hole no matter what I poured into it, but He did. Life isn't always always going to be a bowl cherries, but, with Jesus at the center of it, it won't be the pits either. You can handle things better. I can't put it into words, but life is just brighter now. 

The life and trials of a growing Christian-Day Fifteen

I was writing about how this Friday the thirteenth superstition is nothing more than a superstition when my daughter called. My daughter.... My first born, the one that, one day (hopefully about ten years from now), I'll walk down the isle. She's sixteen now and probably about eight hundred miles away, but it feels as if she is on the other side of the planet. When she was a baby I read to her and rocked her to sleep every night. When she was a toddler we played and sang goofy little songs together. Then I lost custody of her but was able to get her every summer and Christmas. I tried a few times to get custody returned to me, but it just didn't work. (All my fault) I even prayed for God to allow me to win but I lost every time we went to court. (He did what was best for my daughter, not me) On her visits we would go fishing, camping, and just hang out at the lake almost every day. We would go visiting to my friends houses in the evenings where I would be a fantastic example of what not to do. (Drinking until all hours or the night.) But she still looked up to me. I even got a DUI with her riding with me. My young impressionable daughter had to watch her father get put in handcuffs and hauled off to jail, but still, she looked up to me. I remember once she asked me to tell her about God and I quickly changed the subject. What a terrible thing for me to do, but I didn't have time for God then. I wish more than anything that I could change things. For a long time I resented her mother for taking her from me but if I look back, with all honesty, she's probably better off for it. She is a straight A student and has been her entire life. Somewhere in her life I think she stopped looking up to me. Our relationship is strained at best. My little girl has turned into a young woman and I've missed it. She doesn't like that I've become a Christian and I don't like that she's an atheist. (Which I feel is my fault) We just butt heads about everything. I really don't want my little girl to go through any of the crap that I have gone through.

The life and trials of a growing Christian-Day Fourteen

I recently read something that a friend wrote about forgiveness and it sparked something in me to write this. This isn't easy or fun to write about, but I think it needs to be written. When I was young (about eight) my mother and adopted father split up, and she later married my dad. Although he wasn't blood, he was the only man I will ever refer to as dad. (He passed on when I was twenty one.) While my mother was split up from the adopted father he had weekend visitation. On a couple of those visitations he did some things to me that men aren't supposed to do to one another, and a father certainly isn't supposed to do to the child he professes to love. I'm sure you can figure out what I'm saying without further detail. I went a while without telling anyone and when I did, we went to court, and nothing happened to him. I have lived my life without really giving to much consideration to this, except the occasional day here and there. Some people would say that's the reason why I was such an award winning, stellar person from my teenage years through the time I was thirty one. I don't think so, I just did what I wanted to when I wanted to.
Now, to the order of forgiveness. I haven't been able to bring my self to forgive him. I know that, as a Christian, I am called to forgive him but I just can't yet. He did something that was horrible and didn't even own up to it. It's not just the physical aspect of it, it's the mental, as well. He violated everything. I trusted him, I called him dad and he did that? How could he? Why would he? You don't raise a child and do that to them, it just goes against everything that's supposed to be! Sometimes I think that if  he were to be horribly disfigured or die a gruesome death that it would somehow make me feel better, but I know it wouldn't, nor should it. I need to continue to pray for the ability to forgive this man. It's only with God's help that I can do this.
Father, I confess that I have harbored bitterness and contempt for the man who violated my body and trust. I pray that You can help me to lay this all at Your feet and forgive this man. In Jesus name, AMEN.

The life and trials of a growing Christian-Day Thirteen

I've been thinking about my recent posts and have come to realize that I haven't posted much in the way of joyfulness and happiness. Sometimes I get carried away with some of these deep feelings and emotions that  God has allowed me to feel that I just don't share my happiness. I am so blessed to have a sense of humor. My wife and I are just flat out silly with one another. We have a great time just being in each others company. She is my best friend. God gave her to me and me to her and with every day that goes by, my love for her deepens. It's not like when we first got married, it's better! We finish each others sentences and know what the other is going to say before they say it. If we are growing this closely together now, I can't imagine how we'll be in twenty, forty, or fifty years from now (if the Lord allows us to live that long.) I see old couples holding hands and see us, or at least,what I imagine we'll be like and sometimes I smile and get a little choked up. Yes, I am joyful. I am blessed more than I ever thought I could be or would be or deserved to be. I owe it ALL to God! He changed everything bad that my life was to work for His glory and be more than I ever dreamed it could be.

The life and trials of a growing Christian-Day Twelve

I stated in my first blog that my ex-wife, while my girlfriend, had an abortion at my request. Well, she's not the only person that I have urged to do that horrible thing. I slept with a friend that couldn't get pregnant about ten years ago and to my surprise, she did. She asked me what I wanted to do about it and I said that I didn't want to be with her seriously and I didn't want a child, so she should have an abortion. I was such a selfish jerk! The woman had the abortion and got pretty sick afterwords because they didn't do it properly. She had to get a DNC to finish it. I wish I hadn't have suggested that "option" to either person. I feel like pond scum for even thinking it, let alone, taking both woman to and from the "clinics".
Nobody has the right to murder an unborn child! Yes, a child! Not a fetus, or a lump of cells, or a tadpole or whatever else you want to call it. The only difference between a fetus and an unborn child is state of mind. It's a whole lot easier to kill something (or have it killed) that you don't consider human. The audacity that I had was like spitting in the face of God, and I didn't even know it or care to know it. I'm so glad that He gave me the opportunity to reach out to Him for forgiveness! AMEN! Life is a gift from God that starts at the very moment of conception. It isn't something that can or should be debated. It's just that simple.
Psalm 139:13 For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother's womb. 14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, and that, my soul knows very well.
If you decide to have or take part in an abortion, you will regret it. It might not be immediately afterword, but I can assure you that you will feel the pain that I have felt or worse. I didn't feel it until I got sober, but then again, I didn't feel a whole lot of things until I got sober. I hope this will help somebody not to make the same choices that I made earlier in my life.

The life and trials of a growing Christian-Day Eleven

I've been thinking a lot about music lately. Mostly while at work because I'm a one man department and don't  have anybody to talk to other than the occasional nice customer. From the time I was old enough to buy my own albums I was primarily buying heavy metal and hard rock. I've heard all kinds of metal, and loved it all but my favorite was always the super hard, super evil, death metal/black metal. While at work, I'll get a song in my head which will lead to another song and then another and so on and so on, each song worse than the first. I wish I had never heard these songs because they seem to be etched in my mind and the more I try to get them out, the more they come to mind. No, I'm not crazy, no, it's not telling me to do anything ridiculous. I just know that that is not the subject matter that God wants in my heart and mind. I've tried to listen to Christian unblack metal but it seems to just lead right back to the satanic metal. When someone is "singing" in a deep, raspy demonic voice it really doesn't matter what their subject matter is, it just sounds like pure evil. I don't really know why I'm writing about this except the hope that maybe someone with a teenage child who is going to the "dark side" of music might read this and tell them about it. Satan is very real and this music praises him, and feeds him, and leads people  into his bondage, while the whole time they think they are being freed they are sinking deeper and deeper into slavery. When I realize that I'm thinking about these songs and that it's wrong I immediately start humming or whistling a hymn or I pray. That usually wipes the evil right out of my mind.    

The life and trials of a growing Christian-Day Ten

I've been sitting here looking at this white screen for a while now, and I'm still at a loss for words. I'd love to say that I had an earth shattering spiritual experience today, but the truth is, I haven't. I over slept, was late to work, and really didn't feel like being there one minute, let alone eight hours. I know, just a few days ago I was writing about how blessed I am to be working, and I am. I just wanted to stay home in my warm bed curled up next to my wife for a couple more hours. I wanted to be able to take my time this morning and sit on the couch with my bible, a hot cup of coffee, a warm blanket and the dog and just get lost in the book of Luke for an hour or so. I wanted to be able to go to church this morning and make a record three weeks in a row. Back before the company I worked for got sold to the current owner I never missed a service (we were closed on Sundays), but now I might make it to six or seven Sunday mornings a year. Now that I'm not able to be in church as often as I used to it seems easier to let a curse word slip or to laugh at a joke that I shouldn't even be listening to and I can't stand it! I'm supposed to be an example to those who aren't Christians but I can't even make it to church on Sunday morning or control my own mouth, ears, or eyes. This is a hard walk and anybody who says it isn't is lying. The more I read the bible, the more I see how faulty I am and just how much I need Jesus.

The life and trials of a growing Christian-Day Nine

When I was on my way to work this morning I heard a preacher (K.P. Yohannon) talking about a letter he had received from a missionary in India. The missionary said he saw a woman down at the Gan jeer river among thousands who were washing themselves in this dirty, filthy water. They were doing this as an offering to one of the many "gods" in the Hindu religion. This lady was different, she was standing alone screaming, crying, and beating her self in the chest. The missionary approached her and told her about Jesus and that no matter what her sins, He could and would forgive her. She said that she had never heard of this Jesus and that she wished he (the missionary) would have shown up a half hour prior. She began to weep and wail again and told him that her husband had been hurt and couldn't work and that she was at that horrible river to sacrifice the only thing she had to the god of the river. That sacrifice was her six month old daughter, drown in the river.
When I heard that, it was like I was pierced in my heart. I could feel my eyes watering up and that huge lump rising up into my throat, and by that time I was at work so I wiped my eyes and went in. I couldn't and can't get that image out of my mind. The thought that that woman took her baby, the very child that suckled on her own breasts and drown her in that river is sickening. The thought that she did it to appease a god that doesn't even exist makes it that much worse. I don't know how that woman's life has been since this happened, but I do know that if she received Jesus and was baptized for the gift of the Holy Spirit even she could be forgiven. The gift of salvation has been freely given to everybody who will accept it. John 3:16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believe on Him should not perish but have everlasting life. 17 For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through him might be saved.
The world! Not good people, or people who have been raised in the church, but everybody. So I ask... What's your excuse?

The life and trials of a growing Christian-Day Eight

1 Corinthians 9:19 For though I am free from all men, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win more.
These are the words of the Apostle Paul, who was once called Saul of Tarsus before he received Jesus on the road to Damascus. Paul was an incredible servant to our Lord and Savior Jesus the Christ. He was beaten, shipwrecked, stoned, imprisoned, suffered cold and hunger, and ultimately gave his life for the gospel of Jesus! Every time I think of this verse, I feel shame. I want to witness to every one I come into contact with but fall so short. I love Jesus but am having a hard time loving my fellow man. That doesn't mean that I don't do anything, but it does mean that I'm not doing nearly enough. I know! Works don't get anybody to Heaven but James says in 2:17 Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.18 But someone will say, "You have faith, and I have works." Show me your faith without your works, and I will show you my faith by my works.
So, works are a byproduct of faith. Instead of getting aggravated and irritated with people, I need to learn to empathize with them so I can understand them and then serve them, and while serving them I can witness to them and show them the love of Christ. It might work, it might get me laughed at or taken advantage of, but if it's for the sake of the cross, it's worth it. So, In my prayers, I need to ask God for patience, understanding, wisdom, perseverance, and a heart to serve others. I need to pray for Him to soften my heart and help me to love my fellow man. Jesus said that the two most important commandments are to Love the Lord thy God with ALL your heart, mind, and soul and to love thy neighbor as thyself.

The life and trials of a growing Christian-Day Seven

I've been kicking around two things to write about today and have narrowed it down to this one.... I took down the Christmas lights today and I'm kinda sad about it. I'm not sad because Christmas is over, in fact, in a way, I'm a little glad that Christmas is over. I don't hate Christmas or anything, but I do hate the way people allow themselves to get about Christmas. The greed from companies staying open later and longer for that last beloved dollar, and the greed from the consumer camping out for days and pummeling each other to get the cheapest and the most stuff possible to give to complaining people who think they're worth far more than what they were given. Then there are the others who try to make you feel guilty for celebrating Christmas because Jesus wasn't born on December 25th and Christmas was originally a pagan holiday. I know all of those facts and have learned a few more and have decided that it doesn't matter what day Jesus was born, it just matters that He was born. It also doesn't matter that December 25th was originally a pagan holiday, now it's the observed day of the birth of Christ. What does matter is the frame of mind we are in when we celebrate Christmas. Are we focused on Jesus or are we focused on me me me? Any how, I went off on a bit of a tangent but I'm glad I did. Now back to my thoughts about today. As I said at the beginning, I'm a little sad about taking down my lights. Most of you don't know, but my lights are always the same; icicle lights on the front and five strands wrapped around a seven foot tall cross that is facing a busy street. All of those lights made our front yard pretty bright, but now that they're gone it's like there's a void. The yard is cold and lifeless..... Really bleak huh? That's how life without Jesus is. There's nothing to look forward to, no life or light,only cold darkness. Taking down those lights made me think about ALL of those LOST SOULS muttering around aimlessly in the darkness. How sad it must be to think that there is no God and that Jesus was just a really nice guy that lived a long time ago. All of those people are going to spend eternity in HELL! Hell, the outer darkness where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. Hell, where the worm never dies and the fire is not quenched. If I am able to lead just one person to Christ, if I can help just one person to get out of that darkness......

The life and trials of a growing Christian-Day six

When I came home from work today I had to hurry up and take my wife to work so I could have the van to go to church tonight. When I got her there she said "I'm so tired of coming here and doing the same thing every day." As I drove off, I started thinking about writing tonight, but I couldn't get her words out of my mind. I too, do the same thing... Day after day, as do most people. As I thought about it, I kinda felt a little down, but only for a few seconds. You see, there are people that don't know where they are going to go, they just spend the day milling around, aimlessly living out every hour doing nothing. I, on the other hand, have been given the privilege of going to work for forty hours a week. There are people that don't know what or if they are going to eat. I get to eat every day (sometimes too much, hence my great circular physique). There are people sleeping under bridges, in laundry mats, and on park benches while I get to sleep in a nice warm bed in a nice warm house. God has blessed us so much and so many times we just take it for granted. We aren't rich (not by American standards) in fact, we are just scraping by. There is no money in the bank but our bills and mortgage get paid every month, and there is always enough food. We are truly blessed! The next time you get down and tired of the mundane daily grind take a few minutes to think about what you have been blessed with. Remember that if it weren't for that job that gets repetitive and boring that you could be sleeping in a stairwell somewhere, praying and hoping that you could get a job just like the one you're complaining about.

The life and trials of a growing Christian-Day five

It's day five and I'm already struggling to write something. I just got off of the phone with a friend who is going through a divorce and is very distraught. My heart goes out to him because I know first hand how it feels to loose a marriage. My first marriage was doomed from the start but I didn't see it until later in life. God was not in it. I didn't want Him in it, and it was a disaster. The bible says in Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. This is profound! A husband and wife are joined. They are not two separate people any more, they have been combined to be one. When I think about that I picture an old 80s cartoon called the "Thundercats". I know, it sounds a little stupid but just hear me out. In every episode there was some villain that was too strong for each one of the five to beat separately, but when they all put their ships together it made a single unit that was unbeatable. That is what we are to become when we are united in marriage. The problem is, in a lot of marriages the two can't unite to make one. I don't know if it's pride or selfishness or what, but I know that if there isn't unity there isn't going to be a marriage. I also know that if one is a believer and one isn't, it won't work. 1 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? Lastly, wives submit to your husbands and husbands love and cherish your wives. Ephesians 5: 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word,27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. Remember, God has given you your spouse! Keep Him at the center of you marriage and you will be unbeatable!

The life and trials of a growing Christian-Day four

I recently received thirty copies of the Gospel of John and was very excited to hand them out. I have only given out one so far, and that wasn't from my hand to another's, I stuck it in the door of the ice machine at work. WOW right? While at Sunday school yesterday (which I rarely get to attend any more, due to work) the leader of our group said something very short and quick but very poignant. He said "We can't share Jesus with who we think are worthy, we have to share Him with everybody." Have I been picking and choosing who I share my faith with? Have I had the audacity to say "This guy looks like he will listen" or "This lady looks like she wouldn't give a hoot about Jesus"? Unfortunately, the answer is YES.... I don't know if it's intentional or not, or if it has anything to do with fear or not, or if I am just plain judging people. I suspect it's all of the above and a few more reasons on top of those. If my faith is as strong as I proclaim it to be, how could I possibly be afraid to witness for my Creator and Savior? Who am I to say who needs or doesn't need salvation? I guess I'll try to answer the first question first. JUDGEMENT! I think sometimes I'm afraid of being seen as a weirdo or a goody goody or some kind of outsider, but the truth is, I am. I'm a Christian, a bible believing, Jesus loving Christian, so I just need to get over that judgement thing! The answer to the second question is Nobody! I, nor anybody else have the right to say who does or doesn't deserve salvation. The bible says in Romans 3:21-23 But now the righteousness of God apart from the law is revealed, being witnessed by the Law and the Profits,22 even the righteousness of God, through faith in Jesus Christ, to all and on all who believe. For there is no difference; 23for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.
ALL have sinned, ALL need Jesus and ALL can be forgiven by Him. So, now that I have confessed a few of my shortcomings and or weaknesses, what am I going to do to change them?

The life and trials of a growing Christian-Day three

Well, it's new years day and I have already missed a day (yesterday) but in my defense, I started one but got really ill while doing it so I deleted it and laid down for a while. I was going to reflect on last year, but have decided not to because it's done and gone. I started praying last night for those who were out partying and just driving in general, and have been concerned all day today as well. When we got home from church tonight I received a call from my mother telling me that my second cousin had passed away early this morning in a car accident. His girlfriend and unborn child also passed away later at the hospital. I only met him once, but but I am grieved that someone so young is gone. I don't know the details and I'm not going to speculate, all I know is that they hit a tree and two fathers don't have their precious children and unborn grandchild any more. I don't know how they were spiritually and I don't have the right to come to any conclusions, but I can tell all of you who read this that you are only one breath away from eternity. Life is fragile and the decisions we make follow us into eternity. You can decide to open your heart to Jesus or you can decide not to. There is one way to heaven and one way only. Jesus said "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No man enters into the kingdom of heaven except by Me." (John 14:6) This is pretty self explanatory, it means that if you have not put your faith in Jesus, you will not enter heaven. Many people have not done this. They say they'll do it later, when they're old and sick, or that they don't deserve Jesus (which is correct, no one does) or they just plain ole think He's a fairy tale. Whatever the excuse, it's making sure that Hell is always growing. Jesus is the son of God. He was born of a virgin and lived a sinless life. He allowed man to beat and crucify Him, which caused His death. Three days later, He rose from the grave and was seen by over 500 people. He ascended into heaven and sits at the right hand of the Father. If you believe this, confess it! Then, turn from your sin (repent, ask forgiveness, not from man but from God.) Then get baptized (totally submersed) as soon as possible! Baptism doesn't have to be done by a preacher, just a believer! Then, you are a Christian, a new creation, a child of God! Get a bible, read it until it falls apart, and join a bible believing church!