What is my calling? What is it that God wants me to do for Him? I know that Jesus says in Mark 12:30 "And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. This is the first commandment. 31 And the second, like it, is this: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these.", and in Mark16:15 And He said to them, "Go into the world and preach the gospel to every creature. 16 He who believes and is baptized will be saved; but he who does not believe will be condemned." I believe this is the duty of man. Now the question is.... Am I living up to my duty? If I love my neighbor (which, by the way, is everybody. All humanity.) am I supposed to be accepting of everybody? Jesus hung out with criminals, hookers, tax collectors, the homeless, and the sick (even those with leprosy, a highly contagious disease.) He spent time with the religious zealots who hated Him. I've heard a lot of people (in fact every Christian I've talked to) say "Love the sinner, hate the sin", and I have said it myself, the whole while judging people in my mind. Have I preached the gospel to every creature I have come into contact with? No. Have I put "things" before God? Yes. So I guess I haven't lived up to my duty to well at all have I?
I do, however, feel a yearning deep in my soul to serve. I feel the Holy Spirit pushing me, but I don't know where He is pushing to. I feel like I have been pushed to the edge of a cliff and I'm only standing on it with the heels of my feet. There are only three options (1) Fall back on to the solid ground, get up and run the opposite direction. (2) Stand there flailing my arms and holding on for whatever reason. (3) Leap off into the arms of God and give Him the last few pieces of myself that I can't seem to let go of. Right now, I feel like I'm doing option two. I'm so close to taking that last final leap but something in me just seems to hold me on that cliff, flailing around, trying to keep my balance. I certainly don't want to fall back and I don't want to be content to just stand here stagnating. I want to grow, I want to take that leap.
God, please take my fear and turn it into courage and strength. Please grow my mustard seed into a tree, in Jesus name, AMEN.
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