The life and trials of a growing Christian - Day Ninty Three

I seem to be in a bit of a rut lately. I'm just having a hard time being happy about a much of anything. I know that anybody reading this might be quick to wonder what kind of crazy Christian I am. I'm up and down, basically, all over the place. I wish I could be like those people that you see who are so happy in their faith. You know, the ones who seem like nothing bothers them, as if they're on some sort of happy pills or something. I can't do that or be that and sometimes it makes me wonder if there's something wrong with me. Am I faking my faith and that's why I can't stroll through life smiling and grinning at everybody; telling them about how they could be the same way if they would just accept Jesus? I lose my temper, I cuss sometimes (more than I would like to admit lately), I worry, I doubt, I feel inferior, I hurt peoples feelings sometimes, and I let them hurt mine. I'm struggling to be happy with my job that hardly supports us and I feel like a basic failure as a husband and father. Crap, my garden won't even grow right! (I just had to throw that in, I desperately needed the giggle) All these things that I've just listed are truly the way I am and what I feel. I keep waiting for that slap in the head from the Lord to tell me what I'm good at and what He wants from me so I can get busy doing it. Maybe then I'll get that always smiling, never ruffled, high on Jesus attitude.
I try so hard to see the glass as half full, and for a while I seem to be able to but then something changes in me, almost like a switch (it must be a self destruct switch) that makes me see it as half empty and then the snowball starts rolling. Does anybody else go through this or am I just crazy?

The life and trials of a growing Christian - Day Ninty Two

All this week I have been struggling with weather or not I should pay my tithe. The mortgage is due and I could pay it if I don't tithe and pull a few tactical financial maneuvers. I was all set to do that but I just couldn't. Since we've started tithing we haven't missed one week. That means that God has provided for us through rough times before so why wouldn't He provide now? Still, I wrestled with it all week. What if we pay our tithe, miss our mortgage payment and the downward spiral begins? What if we end up homeless or something? I screwed up with our money this month, I bought a few things that we really didn't need, nothing big or ridiculous or anything but we could have gotten by without them and now I'm going to worsen my mistakes by not giving of my first fruits? No, I can't dare do such a thing. I have a grace period on my mortgage and God will provide. He always does!
What really led me to change my mind was something I heard on AFR (American Family Radio). A woman had called them and given her last few dollars to their annual sharathon and one of the people on air talked about how she gave out of her need and it really started working on me. That was a few days ago but I didn't make up my mind until today, but it is made up, and I won't skip out on God. Now all I have to do is wait for the miracle.

The life and trials of a growing Christian - Day Ninty One

Today was a very lazy day for me. All I did was hang out with my son all day. It was great! My family is a huge blessing that I'm very grateful for. I couldn't imagine how life would be with out my wife, daughter, and son in it. Thank You Father! AMEN

The life and trials of a growing Christian - Day Ninty

John 20:29 Jesus said to him, "Thomas, because you have seen me, you have believed. Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe."
Blessed indeed! But I often wonder how I would have acted had I been around during that time. If I were an average, everyday Jew, would I have believed that He was the Son of the Living God, or would I have shouted "crucify Him"? Would I have done everything I could to follow Him and witness His glory or would I have thought Him a fake? I really can't proclaim to know, I would like to say that I would have been in the minority and believed, but it's very possible that I would have looked to the scribes and pharisee's (the very ones who were responsible for Jesus' arrest and ultimate crucifixion ) for advice and guidance since they were the ones who had all of the education and studied the scriptures, and we know what they thought.
I didn't have to live through all of that and then try to make a decision. I truly am blessed, I had the privilege of reading the entire account and making a decision after knowing how everything turned out.   

The life and trials of a growing Christian - Day Eighty Nine

In the Tuesday morning bible study that I regularly attend we studied the fifteenth chapter of John. The man who led the study did a great job as do all of the others, but he just had a great, confident calm about himself that just kind of sucked me into what he was talking about.
Anyhow, I want to bring up a couple of verses that we read. John 15:18 "If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love it's own. Yet you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you."    
(By the way, every scripture I post comes from the NKJV or sometimes the KJV.) He asked a question; "Do you think He chose you or did you choose Him?" The bible says in 2 Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance.
So, I believe that we have all been chosen but we all don't respond. Jesus told a parable about a sower sowing seed. Some went by the wayside and got eaten, some fell on rock and came up but died, some fell on a thorny patch and got choked out, and some fell on good ground and yielded a hundred times what it was. (This has just been paraphrased not quoted) The seed is God's word and all the different soil conditions are the people it falls on which shows that the word goes all over but only roots in some.
He also eluded to what I think the real main thing is, (I say eluded because it's so obvious that he didn't feel a need to spend much time on it) which is "how does the world feel about you?"
I see a lot of preachers on TV who are just loved and swooned over, but they are only preaching half of the gospel, or they're adding their own little twists into it like "prosperity" for example. Jesus says that the world hates Him and therefore will hate us, so we know who those preachers are and who they're preaching to. I make a lot of people angry or uncomfortable with some of what I post and I say good! Jesus didn't mince any words and He certainly didn't water down His gospel. He stepped on everyone's toes because everybody is guilty of sin and needs Him. I just want to tell the truth which is Jesus. John 14:6 "I am the way, the truth , and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me."

The life and trials of a growing Christian - Day Eighty Eight

I've been wrestling with bringing up this subject because of the personal nature of it. (not just personal to me, but to each and every person who exists.) Sexual sin is one of the worst things a person can take part in, yet most people in existence take part in some sort of it or another. It can be something seemingly innocent like looking at a member of the opposite sex with lust, which Jesus said was just as bad as adultery. Mathew 5:28 "But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
It could be something else like viewing pornography, which only leads to more viewing of "harder" or "ronchier" more disgusting pornography. I've heard statistics that say (and I don't know the numbers) that a lot of the people who have been caught molesting children have first been addicted to regular porn which progressed into child porn which progressed into molestation. It leads people to have an unrealistic, dehumanizing idea of what sex should be like with their spouse, or unfortunately, their sexual partner. Sex is a gift from God to be shared between a married man and woman, it's a beautiful thing when done in that context. Sexual sin doesn't discriminate and it is hard to get away from. No matter what the sin, it's hard to get away from. There are "triggers" all over the place, especially now that the weather is getting warm. It's hard not to look at someone when they are wearing hardly any cloths.
For me, personally, I have a hard time telling anybody because if I tell the guys at work they'll just laugh and say "looking isn't a crime" or something to that effect. I can't talk about it to my wife (although she'll undoubtedly read this, so I guess I will be one way or the other) because I don't think she'll understand and I don't want to hurt her in any way. There goes more guilt, looking will hurt her, talking about it will hurt her so I'll just do what every other Christian man who loves his wife does, shut up, try not to look and feel like total crap when I do.
There's something else, I used to watch porn. (so I know to a certain degree about the progression to dirtier stuff) I got rid of it all but unfortunately I can't get it out of my mind. It's been about seven years since I've watched anything even remotely close to porn but I still can't get those images out of my mind. I desperately want to empty my mind of all of that evil garbage but it won't go away.
1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.
Paul hit the nail right on the head with this verse. I've committed adultery (not in my marriage), I've watched porn, I've looked upon women with lust (not intentionally), and I've had a sexual sin committed against me when I was young. All of these things will never leave my mind. While God has forgiven me for every sin, I can't seem to forgive myself for some. My only hope is that maybe someone will read this and turn from what they are doing and not pile anymore layers of stench upon themselves, or memories that can't be flushed.

The life and trials of a growing Christian - Day Eighty Seven

When I got to work this morning, I really didn't want to be there. I wanted so badly to be in church where I need to be on Sunday mornings. Then I got to thinking about how I haven't gotten a pay raise in over three years and how one isn't in sight. I also got to thinking about how there isn't really much of a chance of me ever getting promoted either, I have to be a department manager in order to even think of being promoted and I'm a one man department and considered an assistant manager, so, in a nutshell, I'm stuck. Then I found myself throwing a one man pity party and worrying about money and bills and how we're going to make it. I started wishing that I had another "better" job and imagining how life would be if we just had a couple hundred more dollars a week.
But then I thought about the Israelites. While wondering in the desert, they complained about the manna that God provided them, that when they were in bondage in Egypt they had meat and all kinds of different vegetables to eat. I remembered that it angered the Lord and what He did.
Numbers 11:31 Now a wind went out from the Lord, and it brought quail from the sea and left them fluttering near the camp, about a days journey on this side and about a days journey on the other side, all around the camp, and about two cubits above the surface of the ground. (a cubit is a foot and a half so there were quail three feet deep) 11:33 But while the meat was still between their teeth, before it was chewed, the wrath of the Lord was aroused against the people, and the Lord struck the people with a very great plague.
God has blessed me with a job and I should be happy with the fact that I am working and haven't taken a decrease in pay as some other people have. I need not worry about and long for another job but trust that He will allow me to get a raise and or promotion or a new job in His time and not mine. Maybe I'm where I'm at for a totally different reason than what I think I'm there for, only God knows, but I know that if I complain and groan about what I have or don't have He might just give me quail.

The life and trials of a growing Christian - Day Eighty Six

My wife and I have decided to start a new way of eating (not a diet) and living (not exorcizing) tomorrow. We have gotten (a little, OK a lot) out of shape and it's time to start doing something to change it for the better. It's probably going to be difficult thing to do but I know we can do it. There are a lot of people in the world trying to get their bodies into shape, which is a great thing, but I wonder how many are worried about getting their spirits into shape. If I end up with a body like a rock and a spirit like a jellyfish where has that gotten me? Nowhere! It's wonderful to want to be healthy but we can't deny our spiritual life, after all, that's what we're going to be after we shed our bodies and go into eternity. So, as we try to get more physically fit, we will also exercise our spirits as well. More bible reading, more prayer, more doing for others, that's a good start. 

The life and trials of a growing Christian - Day Eighty Five

I think my favorite of all of the Psalms is Psalm 22. Although it was written long before Jesus was ever manifest in the flesh, it prophesies so much about His crucifixion. It was written by David who was the direct ancestor of Joseph, the step father of Jesus (we all know that His true Father is the Lord God almighty.) It just blows me away that David would write the exact words and actions that His Lord would say and do while dieing and absolving the world of it's sin. (1)1 My God, My God, why have You forsaken me? (2) 7-8 All those who see Me ridicule Me; They shoot out the lip, they shake the head, saying, "He trusted in the Lord, let Him rescue Him; Let Him deliver Him, since He delights in Him!" (3) 16-18 For dogs have surrounded Me; The congregation of the wicked has enclosed Me. They have pierced My hands and My feet; I can count all my bones. They look and stare at Me. They divide My garments among them, And for My clothing they cast lots.
No one in their right mind could deny the fulfillment of prophesy, and this is just a few examples. The first time that I had the privilege of reading this I wept. I just couldn't help but to cry because the miracle of the gospel was really coming together in my mind. I already believed but this just solidified that belief. I don't know much about mathematical probabilities but I can guess that the chances of just this one Psalm being fulfilled as it was would have to be astronomical.
Our God is a God who makes the "impossible" possible! He has all dominion over the heavens and the earth, He is ageless and limitless, He is everywhere and active in everyone's life; even those who deny Him. He loved the world so much that He would allow the creation to put to death His Son in order that He would be the perfect and final sacrifice which atoned for all sin, past, present,and future. PRAISE GOD, AMEN and AMEN!!

The life and trials of a growing Christian - Day Eighty Four

Why did I decide to follow Christ? I decided to follow Him because I couldn't deny Him. I couldn't run from Him any more. The Son of the living God has been after me through the Holy Spirit for as long as I can remember. I've done everything I could to ignore Him, deny Him, and blaspheme Him yet He persisted. I couldn't run anymore, I couldn't screw things up too much worse and I couldn't deny Him... I just couldn't. The more He worked on me the more my conscience twisted me into knots the more I came to the conclusion that I needed Him. In every way I needed Him and still do. I thought that I was a half way decent person until  I was convicted by the law. I knew the ten commandments, and I knew that I had broken at least half of them, but I didn't know that by living out of the Grace of Jesus I was guilty of breaking the entire law. I knew that there was a heaven and hell but I just lived and acted like it didn't matter. You see, I like a whole lot of other people just assumed that after I died, I would go to heaven, just because. I didn't know that I had to submit to Jesus, not just say some prayer after a preacher but ask Him myself "please forgive me, I have sinned against God and You. You are my Lord and Savior, the Son of the Living God." I had to confess Him before men and I had to be buried in baptism for the remission of sin and the gift of the Holy Spirit. I didn't know that my life would change forever. That it would no longer be mine for me, but mine for Him, and only mine because He has allowed it to be so. I didn't know that everyone is separated from Him until they do this. But I do now. I don't want for anybody to be in the state that I was in. Yes, I still make mistakes (just read a few of my blogs and you'll see that) and I am still a person who sins, I am still human after all, in fact, I probably see a whole lot more of my faults now than I ever did before. I'm a whole lot harder on myself than I've ever been, but I have a much, much higher standard to try to live up to. I have to try to be like Jesus. WOW, that's impossible! Who can do that? Nobody, but I will die trying.

The life and trials of a growing Christian - Day Eighty Three

The past few days up until yesterday, I was tempted to drink again. It's a scary feeling to be tempted by something that I was so intimate with, and anybody who knows me knows that I was in a long term relationship madam alcohol. I was feeling down and ashamed of myself and that old buddy of mine the devil knew it, and he tempted me with my old lover, alcohol. Just the thought of drinking caused me to get very nervous and anxious and the devil was steadily telling me that only one would be OK. Only one? I've never been able to just have one, why would now be any different? Still, he pursued me and had me thinking that it might be possible. I weighed all the options and decided that I would be nothing more than a fool if I gave into that temptation. I've prayed for strength and perseverance and through the strength of Jesus, not mine, has that prayer been answered.
James 4:7 Therefor submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.
I am very thankful to the Lord for His strength which empowers me, for His word which strengthens me and for His forgiveness which cleanses me over and over again.
Thank You dear Lord, Amen!

The life and trials of a growing Christian - Day Eighty Two

I've been watching the GOP nomination process and I've been hearing a lot of opinions about the people who are running. I've heard people saying this and that about the candidates and most people are worried about the economy. In fact, I think that they might be more worried about the economy than the social issues. I think that if  we get our already out of whack social issues back in line with the way God has prescribed them to be, that the economic turmoil we're in will follow suit. Our nation is preoccupied with killing babies, homosexuals trying to get married, and how much more stuff we can accumulate and keep others from getting.
2 Chronicles 7:14 If My people, which are called by My name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and forgive their sin, and will heal their land.
I know that God was talking to Solomon in this verse about Israel but I also believe that He was with our founding fathers when we became a nation and that we, as a nation, have wondered so far from Him that it's ridiculous.
There is a huge debate as to whether or not Christians should be involved in politics, I think that if we aren't, we are just throwing gas on the fire that is consuming the U.S. I can't and won't tell anybody who they should vote for but I will say that you should definitely ask for the Lord's guidance and use your faith to shape your opinions.

The life and trials of a growing Christian - Day Eighty One

I have a confession to make, I haven't been reading my bible but a couple of times a week lately. I used to read it every day, sometimes two or three times a day. I'm just having a hard time waking up on time and reading like I'm supposed to, and when I get home from work I usually take a little nap just to be able to make it through until eleven thirty to go to bed and try to get up by three to do it all over again the next day. I feel like I'm stretched thinner and thinner with every day that goes by. But that doesn't mean that I don't need to read God's word, in fact, it means the opposite, that I need to be all the more diligent. I also work on Sundays so I don't get to go to church except for the evening service, so it's very important that I take the extra half hour or so to read at least two chapters a day. I think that once I get back on track my spirit will be strengthened and renewed. I think that getting back to basics is exactly what I need.
2 Timothy 2:15 Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.
If I get back to reading like I need to, it'll be just like taking the medicine that I need to heal my spirit, soul, mind and even my body. So, now that I have identified the problem and know the solution what's stopping me from executing? NOTHING!! Somewhere in my busy day I must make the time to do my reading, my very being depends on it. 

The life and trials of a growing Christian - Day Eighty

My daughter turned seventeen yesterday and I don't always tell her how proud of her I am and how much I love her. Well, I am very proud of her, she is a straight A honor roll student, she holds a job, and watches her two younger brothers on a regular basis. She is a smart, funny, and pretty young lady. I love her far more than she knows and want nothing but the best for her. I fear for her, I worry about her and I hate to hear about her being hurt. I wish I could get her to understand that when I tell her something, it's for her own good and not to be an overbearing mean jerk of a father.

The life and trials of a growing Christian - Day Seventy Nine

I have allowed Satan to really jerk a knot in me these last few days. I felt as if I was led to do something to serve the Lord a few days ago. I failed, three times. I have felt as low as a snakes belly and have been under Satan's attack ever since. He has had me questioning my faith, my worth, my character and my abilities. I have allowed him to twist and tear at me from every angle. I have felt so worthless and useless that my spirit has taken a hard blow.
I keep envisioning myself doing these fantastic things for God's kingdom but when it comes time to do them, I find myself as just a sniveling little coward who has nothing to offer my Lord but an excuse as to why I can't serve Him. Am I trying too hard? Am I not trying hard enough? Or, after reading what I just wrote, is it my pride? I said that I envision myself doing fantastic things for the Lord, is that prideful? Is God showing me that what I think is a wonderful work for His kingdom is not what He wants, but what He knows is a wonderful work for His kingdom?
I just want to get rid of all pride of self and all fear of anybody or anything that isn't God. I want to be and do what He wants me to be and do. I want to be less and be OK with being less and allow Him to be more in my life. I want to stop letting anything get in the way of my faith and service.
Father, please draw me closer to You. Please help me to drop anything that isn't Godly and to pick up everything that is. Please help me to see what You want for me to do and help me to have a willing heart to do it, no matter how great or small. In Jesus name, Amen.

The life and trieal of a growing Christian - Day Seventy Eight

I have been beating myself up some today because of my failure to be obedient to the Holy Spirit's urging yesterday. I still don't know why I couldn't just do it. I know that I have been forgiven and that I will be given more chances to serve and that I will fail at some and succeed at some. I will run from some and run to some. I just hate to mess up when it comes to serving the Lord. After all, all that I am comes from Him. I fail Him so much, but He never fails me, and for that I am grateful beyond words.

The life and struggles of a growing Christian- Day Seventy Seven

While at work yesterday I thought I felt the Holy Spirit talking to me. I got this idea to get a big piece of cardboard and write something on it offering to pray for people, and go out and sit in the median with the sign, notebook, bible, and some gospels of John. So I woke up this morning and did my bible reading which happened to be John fourteen and fifteen. Well John 14:14 says "If you ask anything in My name, I will do it."
Well, He must really want me to do this I thought, so I grabbed my bible and ten gospels of John and went to the store to buy a good, wide writing, marker and a notebook. I went out to the van and made a sign that says "If you ask anything in My name, I will do it." John 14:14 I don't want your money I want to pray for you!
I was very excited and raring to go, so I drove to a busy intersection and backed my van into the closest parking spot I could find and sat there scared to death for almost a half an hour. Why? What is so scary about offering to pray for people? I saw all of those cars and the people in them and was absolutely petrified. I thought about getting made fun of, spit on, arrested, or worse yet, I might have to talk to someone and screw up. I have often thought that those people begging for money at intersections had no gumption or courage to go out and work but I didn't have the courage to just sit with a sign. I never in a million years thought that it would be such a scary thing, in fact I thought it would be a breeze. I tried do conjure up the courage three times today and three times I failed. The last time I thought what if my neighbors or people I work with see me and don't read the sign. They'll think I'm out here pan-handling; I certainly don't want that, so again I came home with my tail between my legs.
I'm really upset with myself today. I feel as if I'm the biggest fake on the face of the earth! I sit here in the comfort of my home behind this computer and complain about the church not doing what we're supposed to do and can't or won't do anything to change it. Unfortunately this isn't the first time I've done something like this. Almost every time I feel a calling or urging from the Holy Spirit, I wimp out as soon as it starts to get uncomfortable. I'm so tired of failing! I'm so tired of being afraid to serve! I don't have any right to blast people for not serving if I'm the same way. If I'm not part of the solution, I'm part of the problem, and right now, I'm just part of the problem. Just another stinking hypocrite.

The life and struggles of a growing Christian- Day Seventy Six

Love, love, love! Every aspect of Christianity is based on love. Jesus was born of the virgin girl Mary out of God's love for man. He was raised to manhood with the love of of Mary and Joseph. He healed the sick and lame out of His love for the Father and His love for man. He told the apostles and us through the bible to love our neighbor who is everybody. And He ultimately died and rose from the grave out of love for all mankind. It's through His love that I am free from the bondage of sin! Praise Jesus! Let's share His love without condition!

The life and struggles of a growing Christian- Day Seventy Five

I saw on the news tonight that an atheist group has put up a billboard on one of the busiest highways around here, it's advertising a gathering they're having on the National Mall in D.C. The billboard says "celebrating life without God" (of course the didn't capitalize the g in God). I've read a lot of posts and even made a few on the FB page that the news anchor posted on. While I don't agree one bit with what they are doing, I don't wish them any ill will, in fact, I've been praying for them. They're even angry about that. They are saying that they feel that we as Christians are looking down on them by praying for them. Hmmm....
First of all, how can someone celebrate life without God? Even if they refuse to acknowledge the existence of God, He's still very much in their lives! Where do they think the very air they breathe comes from, or their own existence, or the food they eat, or EVERYTHING? God is the Creator of time and the universe and everything that exists and this group has the audacity to claim that they are living a life without Him? These are people who are very educated, very accomplished, and very smart yet they can't or I should say won't acknowledge their Creator. The very one who gave them that intellect that they use for every purpose but to glorify Him.
Secondly, I believe that they feel inferior when we say we will pray for them because their very souls know that their minds are misleading them. Every person that has ever existed has done so for the purpose of giving God glory, when they don't do that, their soul (which longs for God) tries to make them acknowledge Him, but their carnal minds and bodies do everything to fight it. If they don't believe in Him, why are they spending all of this effort to fight Him? Or are they just trying to convince themselves and and everyone else that He isn't?
I will continue to pray for anybody and everybody who doesn't believe in the Lord their God, His son Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. The Holy Trinity! 

The life and struggles of a growing Christian- Day Seventy Four

I wasn't sure what I was going to write about this evening so I asked my wife and she quickly and jokingly said back "people being funny". I'm not going to write about people being funny but I do think I'm going to write about the need for a sense of humor. I saw a movie called Amistad, it was a movie about a shipload of African natives that had been kidnapped and sold into slavery by a neighboring tribe. They managed to free themselves on the ship only to be jailed once they arrived in the U.S. While they were in jail awaiting trial (which they won giving them their freedom and returning them home to Africa), a group of Christians kept visiting them from afar, praying and singing hymns, which was a great thing for them to be doing, but they looked so sad and solemn that the main character asked (in subtitles) what was wrong with them. I see many Christians that are in that same condition, walking around being terribly sad and solemn. Jesus died and rose from the grave, freeing us from the penalty of sin, and while that is a very serious thing, in fact, the most important thing ever, we should be happy and jovial. After all, we are going to spend eternity with Jesus in heaven! Why in the world would we want to be miserable? Who would want to join in with a group of people who talk about the kingdom of heaven out of one side of their mouths and talk so serious and glum out of the other? I know that we don't want to live like we did before we found Jesus but we certainly don't want to be critical of everything and everyone either. God has blessed us with a sense of humor for a reason. Life can't be taken so seriously. Laugh with others but especially at yourself as much as possible! Be funny, but do it cleanly (something I am working on) and show all of those nonbelievers that we aren't sad and glum but free and excited and happy about it!

The life and struggles of a growing Christian- Day Seventy Three

I have been tossing around the idea of leaving the church that I attend. Not because I am having any problems there or anything, but because I don't feel that God's purpose is being fully served there. Our pastor is a wonderful man who has been preaching for forty eight years, and our congregation is comprised of mainly senior citizens. My son, who is three, is one of the only children who attend, and (I feel) is seen as a nuisance. I'm not saying this to be in any way malicious, I'm saying it out of truth. Our congregation is older and don't want to be bothered by a loud, nonstop three year old; I can understand that. I'm also kind of bothered that all but ten percent of our tithe goes to paying church bills and mortgage. Again, I understand, bills and mortgage need to be paid or you lose the power and the building. But the early church didn't pay mortgages and bills. They met in people's homes, in small dedicated groups. They didn't have any "overhead", they just had a desire to serve Jesus. Any money that was collected went to the poor; the widows and orphans; just like it was supposed to. I want to be a part of that! I want to go totally against the grain of the established church and get back to the roots. I want to serve Jesus in more than just what I say!

The life and struggles of a growing Christian- Day Seventy Two

I've been thinking about my childhood today, and I can remember how fast I wanted to grow up. I did everything that I thought was grown up at a very early age. From my first cigarette to the first time I had sex and everything in between. I'm all grown up now and I desperately wish I could take most of it back. While I was doing all of my "grown up" things I wasn't growing up at all, in fact I was just staying a perpetual child in a mans body. I'm experiencing and feeling things now, at the age of thirty eight, that I probably should have when I was in my early twenties and I don't have anybody to blame but myself. My job is to be the head of my household and sometimes I feel as if I'm anything but. My main purpose is to be the spiritual leader of my family and I think that, more often than not, I'm failing miserably.
This is a hard walk. Anyone that claims that it's not, isn't really walking it. The nature of man is to do it his way, which is why this world is in the shape it's in. I've lived most of my life trying to do it my way and I've made a terrible mess of things to put it nicely. I still give my troubles over to Jesus only to take them right back and start trying to solve them on my own again. If I could just learn to let it go and keep gone.... If I could just forgive myself for my shortcomings and failures.... My sin is as far from me as the east is from the west, I know it, I believe it, but I can't seem to break away from the memory of it and live the life that He wants me to live.

The life and struggles of a growing Christian- Day Seventy One

Today I went to the viewing of Madeline Dalton (my preacher's wife) and I noticed something profound. While people were grieving over the loss of her, they weren't crying uncontrollably or wailing, they all had a calm about them. They were all filled with love for her and her family, and more importantly, they all knew exactly where her soul has gone. To spend eternity with the Lord her God and Creator. It really brought a sense of joy to me, certainly not at her passing, but about her homecoming.
I've had the privilege of going to a few funerals, viewings, and memorial services of some of my fellow Christians and I've noticed that calm and joy at every one of them. When you don't have any doubt about where your loved one will spend eternity it has to give you a great peace. At the same time, I've been to a few services for non-Christians where there has been a lot of wailing and uncontrollable weeping and sobbing. While I can't say for sure, I can say that I think that the difference is due to the lack of faith and the fear of the unknown. These people don't know the Lord and haven't accepted the gift of salvation that Jesus has freely given them, so their souls (I believe) cry out because a part of them knows that they need Him, and that their loved one passed without knowing Him. This part might be so suppressed that they don't even know it's there, but I assure you that everyone has a deep longing for Jesus whether they know it or not.

The life and trials of a growing Christian- Day Seventy

I got a phone call at about seven O'clock this morning and it was a church member letting me know that Madeline Dalton, my pastor's wife had passed away over night. She had been fighting cancer for a long time but it finally consumed her. I know that she has gone to be with our Lord, and more importantly, I know that her husband, Clyde, knows that as well. I know that he finds comfort in knowing that she is in paradise with her creator, and that she is no longer in any pain and has started the best part of eternity. I don't however, have a clue as to how he feels. I couldn't begin to imagine the grief that he is going through, the mixture of emotions and the loneliness. No matter how many family members and church members come to comfort him, he still has to spend the rest of his life without his beloved wife of fifty plus years.
I want to be there for him but I don't know what to say or do. This is a man who I have the utmost respect and admiration for. He has given of himself time after time for people who have been in the same position that he has now found himself in. I have prayed for and am continuing to pray him and I would like to ask that anybody who reads this do the same. 

The life and trials of a growing Christian- Day Sixty Nine

Today was a long day, but a pretty good one. Nothing amazing happened or anything, but I was able (for the most part) to really think about my faith in Jesus while I was working. I thought about a lot of spiritual issues. My mind just kind of wondered from one thing to another, but it mostly stayed in faith based thought. I also prayed a lot. It really made my day a great one. If I can keep my thoughts on Him every day.... Wow, what a blessing it will be.

The life and trials of a growing Christian- Day Sixty Eight

Today has been a better day, although I didn't do anything other than go to my Tuesday morning bible study, take Samuel to his speech class, and vote in the primary. I got to relax just about all day, and it was great. But, I've been thinking all day about something that the guest speaker of the Tuesday morning class brought up. He said that only twelve percent of Christians hold a biblical world view. Twelve percent? You could have knocked me over with a feather! I knew that the United States has been in a spiritual decline but twelve percent? Secular humanism is on the rise and nobody recognizes absolute truth. They say that truth is subjective; meaning that what is true for you isn't necessarily true for me and vice-versa and it could all be different tomorrow. To that I ask; Is that absolutely true?
A lot of Christians don't seem to have any reverence for God's word, and just as many, if not more haven't even read His word. They pick and choose what parts of the bible they want to believe (if any) and try to rewrite the ones that they don't believe. There are many Christians who fall for the Darwin God and blindly stand behind the politically correct school system which teaches it as fact and says that creation (as told in Genesis) is a theory. So, if people calling themselves Christians can't even believe that they were created by God all mighty, how in the world are they supposed to take the leap of faith and believe that Jesus is the Son of God and died and rose from the grave to save them from eternity in hell?
I'm bringing this up because if we don't change this, the United States as we know it will be demolished and something ugly and evil will be here in her place. I dare say that the metamorphosis has already started, but if we act now we can reverse it. How do we get off of this road into the abyss? It's simple! Start reading your bible! Believe what it says, and share it's contents with anybody and everybody who will listen! Don't let the school system indoctrinate our children! School has our children for a third of the day and they are programing them with everything but biblical truth. If we teach our children about the bible and incorporate biblical truth in every aspect of their lives while at home, they will be less likely to buy into the crap they're being fed at school. Also, if we become active in the PTA's and don't leave it up to the secular humanists, a biblical world view might be able to make it back. We are just one generation away from completely leaving God, let's not let it happen to this one!

The life and trials of a growing Christian- Day Sixty Seven

Sometimes writing this is terribly difficult. I am having a terrible time trying to concentrate. There are a lot of things going on in my mind and this is the fourth time I've tried to write this. Today was pretty uneventful, I went to work, came home, took a little nap, and made and ate dinner. I haven't done one thing to glorify our Lord. I didn't talk about Him to anybody and I haven't even read my bible today (yet). I'm just tired. I hope that tomorrow's bible study and day off will recharge my spiritual battery. I feel like I've let Jesus down and do so on a regular basis. Hopefully tomorrow will be much better.

The life and trials of a growing Christian- Day Sixty Six

I talked to my daughter tonight and she told me that she's on the principle's honor roll and she's in the top one percent of students in the state of Georgia. She has also been on the honor roll every year that she's been in school. I'm very proud of her. I also know that if I had kept custody of her that she probably wouldn't have done so well. This is very hard for me to admit but I couldn't have done anywhere near the job that her mother has done raising her. I was to worried about getting drunk and high and having fun to have been able to teach her any good study habits. I don't even know anything about study habits. At the rate that I was going, she probably would have dropped out, gotten pregnant, ran away, gotten hooked on drugs or all of the above. I can't believe how quickly the time has passed, she'll be a senior next year and is starting to consider what collage she would like to attend. It seems like just yesterday that I has trying to teach her how to ride a bike and now she's driving. I know that she doesn't think I'm any fun anymore since I've found Jesus and we but heads a lot about the existence of God and what the bible says about things. We are on completely opposite sides of the spectrum when it comes to a lot of things which causes a lot of friction sometimes. I want so desperately for her to open her self to Jesus and submit her life to Him, but she doesn't want to have any parts of it. I know she feels as if I'm trying to cram Him down her throat and sometimes I probably am. It's not my intention but I just get so frustrated. In fact that's the way I am with a lot of people, I just want to get past the blinders that everybody puts on but I just end up making people angry instead. I know that the gospel is an offense to those who aren't open it, but maybe I need to work on the way in which I present it. The bottom line is if my daughter and everybody else who haven't accepted Jesus were to go before Him right now, He would tell them "depart from me, I never knew you". I don't want for anybody, not even my worst enemy to have to hear that, let alone, my own daughter. It's out of love for her that I keep on trying to witness to her. I just hope that one day....

The life and trials of a growing Christian- Day Sixty Five

Today has been one of those days... Not a great day, not a horrible day, but a day when everything seems to be just a little off, including my attitude. I just haven't been motivated to do much, I feel pretty... blahhh. When I get like this I start questioning my faith and my worth in the kingdom. When I say my faith, I don't mean whether or not I have faith, but I mean the strength of my faith. I get behind this keyboard every day and write this or that, but am I living and believing what I'm writing, or is it just empty words?
I certainly believe every word that is written in the word of God and I believe that I've been urged by the Holy Spirit to write every day, so the part about believing what I'm writing is a no brainer. Yes. The part about living what I'm writing, well, I definitely have a lot of room for improvement. I want so badly to be a stronger servant of Jesus. I get all of these (I think great) ideas of things to do to further His kingdom and to spread the gospel and then I systematically come up with excuses not to go through with them. So, if I (if it's me, and not the Holy Spirit) come up with all of these "great" ideas and do nothing about them, it makes me pretty useless for the kingdom. If it's the Holy Spirit that's giving me these ideas and I'm not acting on them, well, that's a whole lot worse because then I'm quenching the Spirit.
1 Thessalonians 5:19 Do not quench the Spirit.
That's a pretty short verse, but it speaks volumes! If I am quenching the Spirit, (I think) He will eventually stop speaking to me. We are all to listen to the direction of the Holy Spirit. Now, the question is; how do I know when it's the Holy Spirit and not my own mind, or worse? After I find out it's Him, how do I muster up the courage to do what He tells me to do?
Dear God, please help me to know, without a doubt when You are speaking to me through the Holy Spirit. Please give me the courage and the strength to act upon that command and not quench the Spirit. In Jesus awesome name, AMEN.

The life and trials of a growing Christian- Day Sixty Four

On Wednesday and today there have been some terribly bad tornado's in the south and central US. Entire towns have been demolished and lives and livelihoods have been lost. Many people are without homes and (I'm sure) without hope. I'm pretty sure that many are questioning as to why a loving God would allow this to happen. The truth is, nobody can say for sure. I've heard some people say that bad things happen because of the fall of man in the garden. I've heard some say that it's Satan. I've heard others say that it's just the weather, period. All I know is that God can and will use everything to His glory. I feel terrible for those people; some have lost everything, including their faith. Others have seen their faith increase in an immeasurable way through their loss, and their determination to help and give of themselves to their neighbors. I would like to ask that everybody who reads this pray for these people, especially those who's faith is being tested and those who don't believe.

The life and trials of a growing Christian- Day Sixty Three

Today I've been thinking a lot about standing up for Jesus. I talk to a bunch of people who claim to have a faith in and a relationship with Christ. Which, by the way, I'm in no place to judge whether or not they do or don't, but it bothers me that some people look around to make sure that nobody is within earshot of them talking about their faith. I've had some of them lower their voices to almost a whisper the whole while telling me that they are filled with the Holy Spirit. I've talked to people who will be telling me something about what the Lord has done in their lives but they can't even say the name Jesus without lowering their voice or even lip sinking His name. What kind of since does that make? I love Jesus! I have been given the gift of the Holy Spirit! God the Father is my Creator and the Creator of EVERYTHING!!!! I don't understand why or how anybody would or could keep quiet or put a lid on their faith. I don't know how anybody who is filled with the Holy Spirit or knows God through their relationship and confession of Jesus could whisper that. It should be shouted from the rooftops! A faith in Jesus isn't to be shared and brought up in church only (that's like taking a healthy man to a doctor), it's to be shared with every creature that walks this earth! I can't understand why people can't speak up for Jesus, after all, He was tortured and crucified for the entire world; past, present, and future.
Here's something to think about. Were people speaking up for Christ when prayer was removed from school, or the killing of unborn children legalized? Are people speaking up for Jesus while this world is doing everything it can to serve Satan? Some are, but no where near even half of those who claim to have a faith in Christ. If we truly believe that Jesus is the Son of God and died and rose from the grave to save us from eternal separation from God we need to fearlessly, unashamedly stand up and confess Him at all cost.