I have allowed Satan to really jerk a knot in me these last few days. I felt as if I was led to do something to serve the Lord a few days ago. I failed, three times. I have felt as low as a snakes belly and have been under Satan's attack ever since. He has had me questioning my faith, my worth, my character and my abilities. I have allowed him to twist and tear at me from every angle. I have felt so worthless and useless that my spirit has taken a hard blow.
I keep envisioning myself doing these fantastic things for God's kingdom but when it comes time to do them, I find myself as just a sniveling little coward who has nothing to offer my Lord but an excuse as to why I can't serve Him. Am I trying too hard? Am I not trying hard enough? Or, after reading what I just wrote, is it my pride? I said that I envision myself doing fantastic things for the Lord, is that prideful? Is God showing me that what I think is a wonderful work for His kingdom is not what He wants, but what He knows is a wonderful work for His kingdom?
I just want to get rid of all pride of self and all fear of anybody or anything that isn't God. I want to be and do what He wants me to be and do. I want to be less and be OK with being less and allow Him to be more in my life. I want to stop letting anything get in the way of my faith and service.
Father, please draw me closer to You. Please help me to drop anything that isn't Godly and to pick up everything that is. Please help me to see what You want for me to do and help me to have a willing heart to do it, no matter how great or small. In Jesus name, Amen.
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