I've been wrestling with bringing up this subject because of the personal nature of it. (not just personal to me, but to each and every person who exists.) Sexual sin is one of the worst things a person can take part in, yet most people in existence take part in some sort of it or another. It can be something seemingly innocent like looking at a member of the opposite sex with lust, which Jesus said was just as bad as adultery. Mathew 5:28 "But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
It could be something else like viewing pornography, which only leads to more viewing of "harder" or "ronchier" more disgusting pornography. I've heard statistics that say (and I don't know the numbers) that a lot of the people who have been caught molesting children have first been addicted to regular porn which progressed into child porn which progressed into molestation. It leads people to have an unrealistic, dehumanizing idea of what sex should be like with their spouse, or unfortunately, their sexual partner. Sex is a gift from God to be shared between a married man and woman, it's a beautiful thing when done in that context. Sexual sin doesn't discriminate and it is hard to get away from. No matter what the sin, it's hard to get away from. There are "triggers" all over the place, especially now that the weather is getting warm. It's hard not to look at someone when they are wearing hardly any cloths.
For me, personally, I have a hard time telling anybody because if I tell the guys at work they'll just laugh and say "looking isn't a crime" or something to that effect. I can't talk about it to my wife (although she'll undoubtedly read this, so I guess I will be one way or the other) because I don't think she'll understand and I don't want to hurt her in any way. There goes more guilt, looking will hurt her, talking about it will hurt her so I'll just do what every other Christian man who loves his wife does, shut up, try not to look and feel like total crap when I do.
There's something else, I used to watch porn. (so I know to a certain degree about the progression to dirtier stuff) I got rid of it all but unfortunately I can't get it out of my mind. It's been about seven years since I've watched anything even remotely close to porn but I still can't get those images out of my mind. I desperately want to empty my mind of all of that evil garbage but it won't go away.
1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.
Paul hit the nail right on the head with this verse. I've committed adultery (not in my marriage), I've watched porn, I've looked upon women with lust (not intentionally), and I've had a sexual sin committed against me when I was young. All of these things will never leave my mind. While God has forgiven me for every sin, I can't seem to forgive myself for some. My only hope is that maybe someone will read this and turn from what they are doing and not pile anymore layers of stench upon themselves, or memories that can't be flushed.
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