I've had a nagging feeling all day. One that I can't seem to fight or dismiss. I got into an argument with my mother a few days ago, to be more specific, it was an argument about this blog. I haven't spoken to her in three days and I feel really bad about it. We usually talk on the phone every night, even if it's just to say hi, I'm OK, goodbye but neither one of us has made an attempt to contact the other. I hate it. I'm torn between writing what I really feel I need to write, and honoring my mother. I want so desperately to write a few things that would be like taking off a thousand pound backpack but it would probably cause more strife between us. At least, for a little while. If writing this blog is supposed to make me grow as a Christian I need to be free to write it. I used to be one of those people who thought that what happened in someone's past had nothing to do with the way they spend their present and future but I might have to revise that thinking a little. My favorite saying used to be "Suck it up sissy" and sometimes I still think that, but I'm also starting to think that the past needs to be worked through; at least, brought up and then put to rest.
I love my mother very much and I want to resolve this. I hate not being on good terms with her, but I really feel the need to continue with trying to grow so I can become the husband, father, son, and man that God is leading me to be. I guess I know what to pray about don't I?
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